Friday, September 18, 2009

How low can you go?

Clothing and toy swap events are enjoying increasing popularity, especially in our limping economy. The process is great . . . you clean out your closet and donate items that you don't need anymore, then collect tickets for said items (usually one ticket per item). Then you attend an event to pick out other people's discarded items that you want or need. The items usually "cost" two or more tickets, with opportunity to buy additional tickets, if you like, with proceeds going to a charitable cause. It's really a win-win for everyone involved.

This week, I donated some items to such an event, and attended last night to hopefully snag some items for my son, and maybe for myself, too. When I got there, I quickly realized that most of the stuff there that was my size was people's junk, like some eighties blazers with shoulder pads and rolled up sleeves. There were also some really good items, and thank goodness I got there early, so I could grab them! I skipped the navy blue evening gown, because I don't go anywhere that requires such attire anymore, sadly, except for the occasional wedding. There was nothing for my son, as all boy's clothes were either 5T or infant.

Here's what I DID get: some Clark's clogs, some cute pink pants, an AWESOME lime green LL Bean sweater, a Talbot's sweater, a cute lime green blouse, and . . . drum roll, please . . . a halter top. If you know me, you are going, "Huh?" right now.

Here's how it happened. I approached a table of sleeveless shirts. I never go sleeveless, but sometimes like to layer things, so sleeveless can be handy for that. It was white, tubelike, with the ties behind the neck. The tag said, "White House Black Market," a nice, expensive store. I thought it might look good under a jacket or shirt or something. When I got home, I tried it on. Well, the neckline plunges farther than any bathing suit I have ever worn. If it were cut any lower, I think I would be looking for my belly button in Argentina.

Even if I wanted to go around dressed like this, let's just say I am not well-enough endowed for it. I thought of wearing this top as some type of undergarment, but then there are the conspicuous ties behind the neck. I thought of giving it away, but then decided that no one needs to walk around in this thing. Not many women could get away with it, and believe me, if I take it out of commission for the women who DO look good in it, God-fearing Christian men everywhere who try not to ogle women will thank me. And their wives will thank me even more!

I see why it was on the table at a swap event . . . perhaps the person donating it received it as a gift. Perhaps she bought it to wear on girls night out until her husband saw her in it and told her never to wear it outside the house again. Maybe it will make a good cleaning rag. Or a slingshot.

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